Thursday, November 18, 2010

Life is Swirly!

Life is amazing! One minute things are "normal" and the next moment your world can be turned all swirly.  Children can do that to you no matter how old they get. Good thing God is in control!

This last week I found out that I am going to be a grandma. First, I DO NOT look like a grandma! Second, I do not feel qualified for this position.  My oldest son and his finace are expecting. I have to admit that I was not thrilled with the order of things. Marriage before baby is always more desirable. But I can't help but be excited for a new baby. Babies are a blessing regardless of the circumstances and this one is my son's first born. My oldest son is an adult now; making his own desicions. Whether I like the desicions or not, they are his to make, and as an adult, I have to change my game plan in how I interact with him. I want to continue to have an influence in his life. I want the ability to speak Truth to him and be there for him and his family. I want him to hear me and come to me when he is in need.  I want to share in his joys and sorrows.

So as a believer, and his mother, I have a choice to make. I can freak out and lecture him about the poor choices he has made, I can tell him how God is not pleased with these choices, I can worry and fret over the pratical things that he is going to need to do to care for this tiny person and his fiance and I can make sure he never forgets that he is outside of God's will for his life. Or, I can share Truth with him while at the same time keeping the door open in order to show both sides of the God I serve. A God of judgement and rules as well as a God of unconditional love and forgiveness.

When I first answered the phone and he shared with me the news, I was disciplined enough to not speak right away (which proves that the Holy Spirit is real). I politely asked if I could have a minute and I put the phone down to pray and breathe. I asked God to stop my mind from being all swirly. I needed Him to help me to focus on what He wanted me to say to my precious son. My flesh wanted to lecture but my tongue was amazingly bridled at that point.  I was given the opportunity to share with him what he already knew. He has heard it many times growing up and even more since he has moved out; God will not bless him as long as he lives outside of His will. However, if he and his bride-to-be desire to redeem their relationship with God by starting to live in His will now, God will hear him and the slate will be wiped clean. What an awesome God we serve!

In a nut shell, our family's job is to be Jesus to our new daughter-in-law (to be), our new grandbaby as well as our son. Our prayers must cover them and our actions should reflect our prayers. We must trust that God is the One in control and that He will do what He must to bring our children into His will. I believe that our part in his plan is to speak Truth in love and pray without ceasing. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

Is this the way I wanted to become a grandma? No. Am I angry that this is the way I have become a grandma? No. I trust my God to redeem this situation and grow my son's character as well as our family's character. My prayer is that this tiny little blessing will bring all of us to our knees and to the end of ourselves. I pray that this child's parents will learn, way faster than we did, that they can do nothing without Jesus Christ and that His ways are the best ways. Children have a way of doing that to us- they make our lives all swirly!

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-7

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Weeks like These

It has been a long while since I have written last.  I have been doing life and it has been very BUSY.  Sometimes I am not sure how to do it all.  This has been my life for the last couple of weeks.  I have been feeling overwhelmed and very incapable.  Yesterday was a great example.

From the moment I woke up yesterday I was moving.  I had an infant who wanted to nurse, be fed "real food" 3-4 times that day, be held when not sleeping and slept less than usual.  While at the same time, the 2 and 4 year old wanted to do their "school" time with me as the two 4th graders needed my guidance with their lessons and the 9th grader required my focus for her dictation.  Oh- did I mention that I still had to make lunch, clean the house and dinner was in only 5 hours?  I really don't know how others do it and remain sane with educated children that actually graduate from high school.

My first thought was to run away but, I knew that no matter where I ran to - they would find me (they always do).  So, what did I do?  I would love to say that I prayed, got super Holy and was able to juggle it all with a smile on my face and a spring of joy in my step.  Reality?  I cried.  I left the room and I cried.  I did pray while I cried however, which helped me to return to the room and ask the kids to pray for me because I was having a hard day.  The major progress for me was that I did not "loose" it running yelling and screaming from the room.  You laugh but, shamefully, I have done that on more than one occasion.

With 7 children at home, 4 of them in school and the others wanting desperately to do school too, I am at a loss at times on how to make it all work.  Jesus does remind me moment by moment that I can't but He can. And that is all well and good but, I really want to handle this better.  I would like to take all this in stride.  I would like to have the confidence that all my children will excel in their studies and that they will be able to do more than graduate just knowing their three Rs.  I would like to believe my Savior when He tells me that He will bless my obedience and that He will make all things work in His favor.  During weeks like these, it is more difficult to rest in His promises.

As the old saying goes, "The proof is in the pudding".  As time goes by and my children grow and mature, that is when I will see the fruit from these crazy weeks.  These crazy weeks may go on and become crazy years but as long as I don't go crazy; as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, everything will be blessed.  I (and my children) will survive.  More than survive- we will thrive!  And I will someday juggle it all (well parts of it) with a smile on my face and a spring of joy in my step!